“She’s stuck between who she is, who she wants to be and who she should be.”
As much as I like to pretend I have it all together, I still have moments where I feel like I don’t even know who I am right in this moment, never mind what I’m going to be doing in 5 years time; whether I want to study again or what opportunities I want to dip my toes into next. One thing I do now know, however, is that I’m finally okay with this.
It’s crazy how much my opinion on self improvement and self discovery has changed recently. I used to view it as a journey through the inevitable. Discovering a path already carved specifically with you in mind; as if there’s a plan for each and every one of us and it’s your duty to figure out what exactly it is that you are destined for. I’ve completely changed the way I look at life and my short time that I have here and I felt the need to get this down in the hopes of inspiring some thought and discussion on the topic of purpose in particular.
If our lives are predetermined, surely that takes any responsibility away from us because “it was always going to happen” and leaves us with little to no control over our own dreams and realities and this is certainly not a belief of mine. Instead, I believe that every decision we make and every word that we speak carves the person that we are and so we have so many opportunities to change and improve every single day. Life is about creating yourself and there’s something incredibly empowering about that.
True happiness and peace, for me at least, came when I started asking the question: “Do I really care about this?” and realising that the answer (most of the time) was: actually, no. I had, for the first time in a long time, allowed myself to not care about things. To tell myself that I deserve more than worrying about every detail of my life and the idea that everything will be okay was instilled into me.
You see, I’ve been trying so hard to figure out my own identity and the more I try to squeeze myself into one box, the more confused and less comfortable I feel. My character, my interests and my preferences are all things that will grow and change with me through time and I want to welcome any changes, out-liars and challenges that come my way. I guess I’m now understanding that it’s okay to be a work in progress and to not have your place in the word figured out. Hey, maybe one day I will know, but for now, I’m still finding my feet. I’m trying to grow and challenge myself whilst staying true to who I am and what really interests me.
Remember: Don’t set yourself unrealistic time frames and limits to achieve “life goals” because you never know what opportunity could present itself ’round the corner which may fulfil you even more.